| Yup. Here i am. Fourth year of college, my 8th finals week (on its way) and the 8th time that i have felt like im going to fail. This year though, is well, actually happening. I'm actually going to fail at least 2 of my classes. Thus, my GPA will drop and perhaps probation will occur with no grant money for me. Oh well...it is a fact that this semester has been the most difficult. Why you may ask? Well i just don't know? I just didn't feel like doing much. Well in the beginning it was going great, then mid semester it spiraled out of control. I always wanted to go out to smoke, drink, part, and just have fun. Well look what happened to me, i'm at the point where i don't care anymore. I HATE MYSELF! I OFFICIALLY HATE THIS SEMESTER AND MYSELF. (but really i don't care)
Anywho...i am moving back home and you know i'm actually o.k. with that. My decision may be a little off, but i'm glad. I know people are going to read this and you know I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS!. E-51 has finally come to an end. A 3 year chapter in my life has come to an end. Hopefully, things will get better and i will finish school by 2009. I hope. Ever since Ernesto and Lisa moved out, things changed. Life at home definitely changed. Ever since they moved in. It was ok on the surface, but really i just dealt with it best i could. Maybe that's why i had so many temper tantrums and anger issues. Too bad things didn't work out differently and too bad things ended up the way it has. When a certain person asked me a question about "what's going to happen when you move home," i was a little confused. Then an example was posed to me about how people are not going to come at a drop of a dime to come visit me. Well, with that said i was even more confused and a little bit astonished. FACT: people will come visit me and i have Meena who lives across the street from me, Arlene who will be in Hawthorne this summer lives a few blocks away and others that wouldn't mind driving from there house to visit the South bay area to hang out. (and in my opinion, LA's South bay is BOMB! The beach, the city and the parties are all just a few minutes away.)
well ..i dont know i'm done for now... | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| I like this boy. THERE I SAID IT! i like him. i think we'd be good for each other. WHO KNOWS THOUGH!? in any case we went out tonight with some other people and he kinda got sick and started saying some crazy things about his boyfriend. how he doesn't care and how selfish he is. well let me tell you! i've been there. many a time, to understand the extent of the situation. all there is left to do is END IT. it'll be hard i know, but for him in the long run it'll be better for him. and he can be free. especially if this realationship has lasted 3 years. he can move on and possibly find someone who cares truly madly deeply (hopefully towards my direction), but if this situation doesn;t work out then i guess i wouldnt mind having him for a friend. GREAT! Another GAY FRIEND i can't have! I guess it's the story of my life! GAY FRIENDS! all over the place. you know i'd be happy dating one of my gay friends. we'd get along, we'd have our fights, but in the long run we'd respect each other.
I had a conversation with my teacher today after class about relationships and such. How insightful and his interest in the well being of his students. He is a good professor!!! At least I think so! it was kind of random, but it was a good conversational piece (which im always looking for) that was highly interesing. Talked about that movie about quantum physics What the bleep do we know. i want to watch it by the way.
anyways....this boy i like said to me,while he vommitted into a plastic bag that i had provided, "why are you single? you are such a good person. anyone who doesn't see that, then they're stupid!" and with that i just continued to hold him while he threw up. I got some on my hand, but for the first time in my life i wasn't disgusted nor was i offended. All i merely did was just try to hold on to him so he wouldnt fall and hurt himself on the pavement. never have i been so eager to help someone out. dont get me wrong im always there to try and help, but this time i felt it. i felt the need for me to help. and whether or not he remembers, well...i dont care. as long as i know i helped and the other people there saw it and noticed my good nature to do good, then that's all that counts!
again this is the first time i have ever really liked someone and been able to really care. i even tried not to drink too much and try not to smoke (as much as i do) to try to have as much time with him as possible. i am ready...not fully, but have the intent to find someone. i dont care...i;ll wait. if im single for 10 more years then so be it. I"LL BE SINGLE FOR MORE 10 YEARS! but i want to find that someone, that someone who i can be myself and he can be himself. where we can both be ousrselves and be as honest to each other as honesty can take us. and someone who i wouldnt mind if he got a little too drunk and threw up on my hand. or can say in all honestly that they adore me and love me after several weeks or months into our relationship. cause i don;t want someone to tell me in one week of our dating I LOVE YOU....it's way to fucking soon. and it's way too non-sequitar to the situation. life is copasetic, but if someone can undo that to me and i to him then there! We have the bond that could theorettically last for a long time. and im ready to last a long time. (haha not like a can of tuna, but to be in a long-term relationship that we can both benefit from).
i suppose that's all i have to say. im done.
over and out | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | back! | | Time: | 11:59 am |
|
| so..the last time i posted something here was well over 5 months. DAMN! well in anycase a lot of things have happened. 21.Vegas.New York.New Year's.Christmas.Thanksgiving.San Francisco
i guess i don't know what i want to say, i think i should start writing somemore and blah blah blah so i can let things out and shit so i don't feel all crazy! haha
I'm single...amazing, right? haven't really been with someone since...isaac? i believe. so...that was in may '06, huh? well in any case im content with singleness!
woo
got to go now though, but i'll be back! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| so i took this quiz...look who i am as a woman!
What classic movie diva are you?
Your inner classic movie diva is: Audrey Hepburn
Known for her trend-setting style and irresistible personality, Audrey charmed millions over her long and successful career. She always projected the high-class, sophisticated aura that she was born to, as the child of a wealthy banker and a baroness. She also had a warm and generous heart, as exemplefied by her work with UNICEF in her later years.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others." -- Audrey Hepburn
Take this quiz!
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so i went on my first date in over....well uh...4 months (i believe) and WOW... i can't believe how much fun i had.
HAHA.
Johnny is his name...so cute funny charismatic genuine alive and CUTE
yup...he is super nice. i need to get to know him more of course and see where this takes me
we went to eat at Buca di Beppo and walked around Santa monica Promenade. headed out to Hollywood, but then decided not to stay and drove all over the south bay. it was ridiculous, but fun. then ended up in Long Beach had some dessert and headed on home. i dropped him off and he kissed me!
AWE how cute i REALLY wasn't expecting it but it happened.
yeah i dunno
we'll se what happens?! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| this movie was out of this world... I LOVED IT! (from start to finish)
sooo...
summer is upon us
heat
weird
i am here and there...exhausted...still don't know why im up.
sucks really cause i;m FUCKING tired but my body wants to stay awake until 3 or 4am...
why? i don't know...insomnia? or just plain bored and trying to stay awake to see what happens next.
anywho...new major school is starting im turning 21 im about to experience something different and new
"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
Friedrich Nietzsche
"Art is not merely an imitation of the reality of nature, but in truth a metaphysical supplement to the reality of nature, placed alongside thereof for its conquest. "
Friedrich Nietzsche | | comments: Leave a comment |
| one more thought....
i came out to my mom and grandma!
that's all | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Here i am at work. Productive, huh? Well there really isn't anything to do right now.
I have had the time of my life and the most interesting experinces within a 3 to 4 week period. Hmmmm...quite nice and scary and LIVELY! I think sometimes (really i do) that i'm in a movie or a primetime T.V. drama/comedy! Weird!
well..since i havent written in this here blog i think i'll just catch my thoughts up to speed.
Let's see...i decided to be single...and this time I WILL BE SINGLE!!!!
Talked to Curtis told him that i felt nothing for him and a I told Isaac my thoughts on relationships and what not. This time i actually feel confident enough to say that i'm quite happy and secure with my friends, family and ME (ofcourse), it's I who will run my own life. It is i who will choose who i befriend or date. it is i who will make the decisions on what i think and believ is right. It is i who will make a career out of my major. it is i who all i need, right now.
YUP...i'd like to spend more time with my friends, since i feel like i have lost touch with them.
I'M HUNGRY!! I want Greek or Middle Eastern or Indian food!!!
I have partied and danced at the clubs so much these past few weeks, that it makes me feel exhausted (just a little) andI HAVE HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE!
Yesterday was 4th of July. Had a wonderful BBQ at Letty's.....oh how i adore her house and doggies. Food was GRRRRRREAT! company was awesome (Kimmie, Christian, Ernie, Phil (ernie's bro), his friend, Letty, Pablo, his bro, nile, noel, arlene, dantan, Phuc, and Chaz..pat and armando were missing....). Drank.smoked.ate.danced.talked.
AWE!
then on monday night was i was GAY! went to TIgerheat...i have come to realize that it's A OK to be gay sometimes. that was also fun...didn't regret a thing...told myself (and others) that i'd make out and well i did....hmmm...hahahahaha....sonny was there he is a TRIP! DAMN he is soo funny....haven't hung out with him for a while, so therefore i enjoyed myself. Saw Victor and Diego (or i called him...can't remember). drove.drank.danced.kissed boys.
Sunday night went out with Patrick and armando. much fun. saw tons of people there...uh...drank. danced. made out with some boy. yadda yadda yadda.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
it's ok right now to be who i am...
got a 35MM camera from my dad...SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!! lol.
;s;sdalsfkaejfoehtqehbrohetf
bored. now. cant. be here. anymore. want. to. leave! ARGH!!!!!!!!
kfjsjfoifheuhdkjkjghkjfhgkjfghdjfgkjdhkdghkjghdfkjg
i so badly want authenticly made greek or middle eastern or indian food. MMM.
also want to see a movie.
hmmm....
well i guess that's it...
oh and another thing...i want my long reddish/brown hair back :( It's like my hair stopped growing!!! ARGH! HAHA. hmmmm...... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i've only seen one film that i have listed....Over the Hedge!
So cuuuuuuuuuuute! I love hammy the squirrel...sooo cute. i love squirrels! awe!
so...finals have arrived. and i;m soooooo unstressed!? weird huh? no stress = calmer chritos
PLUS i think this is the first time since high school that i;m not sick during finals. previously i've always gotten sickj around finals and this year...well im not sick! that's awesome! i like it!
today was cool. went to work, went to eat the crew (kimmiie, ernesto and arlene)[well some of them] went music shoppingi loved it..what a glorious day! i enjoy glorious days! it was so stress free, that i almost forgot about finals....which makes me feel like that the semester is already over! cool huh?
ok signing off america | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So i have a huge list of movies that i want to watch within these few months!
1. Art School Confidential (openned)
2.Over the Hedge (May 19)
3. Water (openned)
4. The Notorious Bettie Page(openned)
5. Lucky Number Slevin (maybe)(openned)
6. Akeelah and the Bee(openned)
7. An American Haunting(openned)
8. A Prairie Home Companion(June 8)
9. Peacful Warrior(june 2)
10. X-Men 3(May 26)
11. The Da Vinci Code(May 19)
12. Superman Returns(June 30)
13. The Omen (maybe)(June 6)
14. The Devil Wears Prada(June 30)
15. Pirates of the Carribean 2(July 2)
16. Lady in the Water(maybe)
17. The King(may 19)
18. An Inconvenient Truth (maybe)(may 24)
19. Cavite(May 26)
20. Mouth to Mouth (May 19)
I think that's pretty much it! OMG!! there are a lot of movies i want to see....oh well better start saving up now! HAHA | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| why does it feel like my life is spiraling out of control?
where did the time go?
where am i going and how will i get there?
who am i?
WHO AM I??
How am I doing?
There are ways to make you hurt, there are ways that i've coped, but now i;m in utter dissaray.
if i'm not wanted then i'm okay with that
if i'm not needed thats okay, too!
so many things i want to do so many experiences i want to live so many possibilities. why are things the way they are...foolish. I FEEL FOOLISH!! things are changing. i can feel it and can smell it from a mile away. i can hear it in the tones of voices. i can taste its bitterness. i can touch its spikes.
there...i have thought....no need to think about it anymore...perhaps i'm not suppose to have someone in my life...perhaps i;m not the dating/marrying type. I WANT KIDS ONE DAY!!! FUCKING HOMO! i want to have children...my own flesh and blood. i don't want to end up like the rest of the family who is single and unmarried. I just need life to breath life. I need something new...a change...A BREATH OF FRESH AIR...is highly needed! i still want to do my art pieces...gotta go buy art supplies...OH LALA...i like writing...it's so...beautiful and threaputic.
i think i have said too much...these thoughts will soon be erased with mind numbing porn. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | "Put Me Down" ~ The Cranberries | | Subject: | poetry | | Time: | 11:26 pm |
|
| this isn't the one i like, i don't believe i can find it online, but this is one is just as good! Oh how i like reading poetry!
10
maggie and milly and molly and may
went down to the beach(to play one day)
and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and
milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;
and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and
may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.
For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea
Here's another, but by another poet named Gwendolyn Brooks! Entitled "We Real Cool"
We real cool. We
Left school. We
Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We
Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We
Jazz June. We
Die soon.
oh and my favorite from Robert Frost! The road not taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference
and last but not least Carl Sandburg!!
FOG
THE fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Who knows where the wind will take us!
So, I finally got my paperwork filled out to make the major change from Theatre Arts to Communications. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I'm going to be meeting new people and making new friends and learning something new. It's definitely going to be a big change in my life, perhaps for the better or maybe even for the worse. ARGH! it's weird...cause here i am ...2 years of theatre arts under my belt and shit and now all of a sudden there i am like a wet t-shirt left outside to dry...a wet t-shirt that no one wants. so, changing my major is most definitely going to be like starting college all over again. well sort of.
it'll be ok...i;m sure of it!! ooh and i still have to declare my minor, which will be RTVF. Which by the way im excited to sart as well!!
But not to get ahead of myself i have tests and finals and crap to finish before i have to actually start my new major. so i figure i should take care of that and make sure that i get those good grades before i can start worrying about Communication classes or what not.
Today at work i found out that it's National Poetry Month! Who would have known? Well in any case i bought two collections (books) of poems by Robert Frost and E.E. Cummings. and i was reading poems by E.E. Cummings when i came across a poem that seems to be (at least to me) a very heart felt piece. i wish i could find it on the web a post it...perhaps i will do that now...
( i'll post laters)
anywho...uh...i'm tired much to do...so little time! ARGH! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| third day of being high...hahahahaha..who'd think i'd smoke so much?! whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! oh well...been doing some thinking some preparing some more thinking and some partying! oh yeah
so i went to new york...had the time of my life...some pics? yes that sounds like a good idea! here we go!
my family's name honored at Ellis Island :-)
so there we go...a few pics of new york...oh yeah
so moving on...i'll soon be a communications major with and empahsis in Photojournalism (or entertainment studies or ppublic relations) and a minor in Radio-TV-Film....so im exciting to start and to meet NEW people! WOOOO how scary, but very exciting. It's like starting college all over again! YIKES!
i hope i can do it!!!
oh and someone told me they like the pictures i took...:) how cool is that? she is a co-worker who is in the Advertising department of Titan Shops and majored in art ...so i feel complimented...all i need now is take good pictures for myu future career in photo journalism and rtvf (maybe i'll do creative photography, too?) HEHE i'm excited!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | fun tiems | | Time: | 05:25 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/mellow.gif) mellow |
|
| Alright this week is finally over. It felt long and dragged out. I worked days in a row openning (7am) until lunch time, for then i had to go to class. BLAH! It's all good. Well i should be getting my money tomorrow and i think it will be a sufficent amount of money. Anywho...went to transistor last night and to me it was a very interestin experience. here is a few things that happened.
*got high with Chaz
*drove with Patrick, Chaz, and Armando
*drank in the car
*got into the club eventhough they were being EXTREMELY strcit with the 21 and over requriment
*chaz at first wasn't allowed in
*finally got in had a beer and a midori sour
*met up with Kimmie, Christian, Ernesto and arlene (couldn't find Letty)
*danced
*saw Adam, Oscar, and Curtis
*Ernesto was loud, obnoxious and drunk
*left the club around 1:30am
*everyone (except Chaz nad i) got into some weird bickering in the car (arlene came home with us)
*ate at Brite Spot (certain people were acting really obnoxious and weird at the table that i will leave unmentioned)
AHHHHH i don't even know! it was a really odd experience last night that will be added to the weird and off-beat adventures that my friends and i get into.
toodles | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | "Act of the Apostle" ~ Belle & Sebastian | | Subject: | This past weekend I.... | | Time: | 08:11 pm | | Current Mood: | mellow |
|
| Thursday night: Went to Transistor saw people said hi. Saw Curtis and we said hi....in a very friendly way!! WOW. Yah. uh...thats it
Friday: Worked WAY TO EARLY! Then got off work ate with Chaz...uh...took a nap and hung out with the co-workers at Rockin' Taco Cantina came home watched a movie with Arlene and relaxed.
Saturday: it rained...went to Hang the DJ's. Said hello to people. Saw Cristian and his friend Paola.
Sunday: Went to Melrose and shopped for a lil with Kimmie, Christian, Armando, and Ernesto. Then went to LaLa's met up with Letty and drank 5 (or was it 6) pitchers of sangria! OMG i had fun that day. GOOD TIMES GOOD TIMES! Then after sitting there for about 4 hours went to Letty's and drank some more!! Finally left at 12 am to go to some club where at the Echo. Saw Mary there! That was cool! and then ate some dirty hot dogs from the vendors and came home.
Monday: Woke up around 10 and drove out to L.A. to the MOCA with Curtis. What an entertaining day! I enjoyed myself very much hanging outwith Curtis and his school friends! Good times good times...
(on a side note: I don't know what im going to do with Curtis. Should i try going out with him again? or stay friends? or jsut be really cool with the fact that he apologized for not hanging out and what not...hmmmm. It seems to me that he did grow up and is trying to better himself. hmmmm i dunno? well we'll see. Then there is Miguel...who is still on my mind and how we always call eachother whenever we're drunk. That's the only time i actualy talk to him is when im drunk or when he is drunk. so i dont know whether or not to actually pursue him. EH...i dunno.....)
so that was my weekend...hmm OVERALL i enjoyed myself very very much. Good company, good food, good music, good laughs, good everything. I wish things could stay like that for a long time! This weekend was by far the BEST PRESIDENT'S HOLIDAY I'VE EVER HAD!!! OH YAH! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Belle and Sebastian ~ Put the Book Back on the Shelf | | Subject: | It's about fucking time!! | | Time: | 02:09 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/artistic.gif) creative |
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| Well, i have just returned from watching the movie that every gay man (and lesbian woman) have probably already seen! Patrick and I (probably the last two homosexuals who haven't seen it yet) made the trek to watch the movie of the year, Brokeback Mountain. What a stunning piece of work by Ang Lee (he better win that golden globe for best director). I have to admit, that this film was well acted and directed. It made me...actually i don't know how to feel. I left the movie theater stunned and maybe a little sad, yet happy, i dont know. I know though for a fact that i enjoyed the film and it did move me and made me think. Which is highly unlikely for an American made film, then again it was directed by Ang Lee, a man not born in the U.S. I was impressed by the Heath Ledger's performance as well as Jake Gyllenhaal's protrayl of a love between two men that cannot be. Plus, Michelle Williams and Anne Hathaway were stunning and both very beautiful. I think that the casting director of this film should win something too. I really thought that Jake and Anne made a very pretty couple that showed well onscreen. But i have to admit that Heath and Michelle were well casted together as well and showed that middle class family trying to make it in this world and the husband who has a secret. The pain she must have felt when she witnessed the love of HER life, passionately kiss another man. And what secrets Jake had to keep from Anne. I believe in this film, that it could do the gay community some good, too. Showing that everyday average joe type of men can be in love with eachother and try to live normal lives by marrying women to fit in, when it shouldn't be frowned upon when two men (or women) are in love in the first place. This is a testament to the gay community and thanks to Ang Lee, he has sort of broke the barriers of commercial , mainstream American life to show a god honest truthful story of two men in love, but cannot be. Congratulations Mr. Lee, for i think this film will indeed show ignorant heterosexuals that love can blossom anywhere, when love, so deep is present. Overall, i was touched and moved by this film(to say the least) and left me feeling dazed and in awe to see two upcoming actors rise and believe in a film as this one. I think I can officially say that this film will surely go down in history. (oh and the sex scenes between the two men...OH MY GOD...HOT!)
Now that i have said all that..let me tell you about this IDIOTIC and MORONIC girl and her fucking cell phone! She almost fucking ruined the film for me, but thanks to the power of GAY (haha) she was SHUT-UP before she could mutter another nonsense word to whoever was on the other line of that fucking cell phone of hers. People need to be fucking considerate. Plus i think she was with her mom, who did nothing as well, i hope one day someone is as rude to her as she was to us and the rest of the audience. I'm so glad that Patrick turned around and told her to shut the fuck up! Shit if he hadn't said anything, oh fucking boy, would she have had the yelling of a life time! (and Patrick would have seen another side to me) Oh and another gay guy behind her told her to take the conversation outside. I can't believe how rude people can fucking be. UGH!!! BIGGEST PET PEEVE of mine is RUDE and UNCONSIDERATE PEOPLE!!! they should all burn in hell...who taught them manners! NO ONE OBVIOUSLY, they were raised by a pack of wolves!!!!!!
PLUS if you read this on myspace i have an addendum...
I met someone who made me nervous and jumbled. someone who made me trip twice and snort in fornt of. hmm...i wonder how it will work out? probably not work out in my case...i'm a person who likes ot play games...according to someone who i shall leave un-named. Anywho.met some interesting people this past weekend. they live in beverly hills eccentric rich people are fun! that is where i met David (aka Davey) he is cute, funny, a libra, and really chill. sadly he lives in San Luis Obispo ...hmm much farther then Beverly Hills...what is a poor gay boy to do? Pull an Arlene and drive up to SLO and visit him? or be a meek boy who looks for people in LA? hmmm..what to do what to do....
Acknowledge the moon, acknowledge the sun, acknowledge the wind, acknowledge our pets, but do we acknowledge each other? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| So it's that time of year again. time for the shopping, the food, the love, the friends, the family, and most importantly NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!! HAHAHA. Oh yes...the dreaded plans you make for the next year to make yourself "better," and what for? To find a way to break it and perhaps try it all over again next year. So, i've decided on these resolutions: go to the gym or do some sort of exercises to loose this gut and make myself healhier, actually quit smoking, spend more time watching indie/foreign films (so that i have a world perspective of movie making), read a few more books, go out to museums, go to shows, THE BIG RESOLUTION WOULD HAVE TO BE...FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M GOING TO DO NOW AND STICK WITH IT (for the rest of my college career). You know, i thought about juries and how ridiculous they are! how dare they try to sort out the "good" and "bad" of one small department! I could transfer and do the whole thing all over again, but yah know what else? I figured i think i really wanted to do something else, i still want to experience other majors, something a little more worth while. i feel a new inspiration coming over me (thoughts basically, but i won't say anything until i figure it out ON MY OWN).
Hmmm...it's awfully late and i have work in 6 and a half hours or so?!? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Overall, i think this past semester would have to be the worst semester i've had so far here at CSUF. BLAH! I wonder what i'm going to do now? Well, okay, it wasn't ALL that bad. There were moments where it was bad and then some were good. Like i met some of the best theatre majors this semester and i enjoyed their company (like Chaz). Bad moments would have been all those times i procrastinated on papers and projects and stayed up until bizarre hours of the morning, some hours of the morning are strange to me..like 3:30AM it's like in the middle of the morning. haha i dunno. plus i hardly read any of my textbooks for my classes. WHAT A LOSER!!! Anywho...i guess the thing that made this semester the WORST would have to be the jury results. I didn't make the acting program and now i'm totally confused on what i should do now. It was hearbreaking to read that line that says "We regret to inform you..." Right there and then, my heart broke into a million tiny pieces.But i got through it and now i'm accepting it and i have thought about what i should do. Here are options: Should i stay a theatre major and do a general theatre emphasis? should i go into teaching? should i go into directing or should i leave the department all together and become a communications major? Maybe a RTVF major? Should i transfer to another school to continue acting? Cal Poly Pomona? CSU, Northridge? Should i leave california all together? go to new york and go to school out there? Should i continue to even pursue acting? should i do culinary arts? (SIDE NOTE: My mom suggested i move to New York and do culinary arts and see if Lucas would help me out, on finding a good culinary arts school. haha i think that's kinda funny she mentioned him)
I DON'T KNOW!....i'm really confused...i have time now, but I'll have to look over the catalog and see waht else there is to offer at csuf. Eh? i dont know
Oh and i have decided to continue this feeling of being single (unless i have someone who sweeps me off my feet and makes my heart skip a beat, then that would be the one). I say this because some guy asked me if we should date. i did not repondand hopefully he gets the message. Plus i dont think he's my type nor do i think he's attractive. Hmmm...
well im out of here! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | "Nessum Dorma" ~Sarah Brightman | | Subject: | determination | | Time: | 10:30 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/punquinheads/blue/determined.gif) determined |
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| Before i start my homework, i believe i have some thoughts to type out.
Let's start of with...
HOW MUCH I LOVE MUSIC! Music is the spice of life, it's the remarkable invention that gives you wonderful feelings about your life and goals you want to accomplish. I am really wanting to buy a Sarah Brightman CD so i can hear her beautiful voice as she sings Phantom of the Opera, Time to say Goodbye (con te partiro) with Andrea Bocelli, Ave Maria, and some other songs. I also want to hear Sail Away by some celtic performers...basically i've been craving operatic music and showtunes (i know how gay, but how wonderful it is to listen to).
Now let's talk about performing...
Tonight on Bravo they had the Carol Burnett Show a Reunion, and i have been wanting to watch it for a while now and so i did. How lucky i am to have caught the last half hour or so. It was funny and fun.I Remember watching reruns of her show with my grandmother late at night on Nick at Nite or something. And i've loved watching Mama's Family, because it was sooo funny and Carol Burnette is a genius!! She can do everything Sing, Act, Dance and be a Comedian. It helped me envision myself on a show just like the one i watched. Being in front of a crowd making them laugh and entertaining them to the full extent that my body can go! I will die trying to make it BIG or at least becoming a B performer (in the sense of being known, but ...well...like a comedian like carol burnett, lily tomlin, billy crystal, etc.) I also have juries coming up, which i'm a little scared of, but also very excited to do. Then there are auditions..which i'm going to make fun. No matter if i get a part or not. I'm going to audition as if it's the end of my life and have fun with it because that's what theatre is all about HAVING FUN and playing.Pretending, role playing, having an opportunity to be a kid again!! and to do art, perform, entertain, get people to think. ALL VIABLE REASONS THAT THEATRE IS A GREAT MEDIUM FOR ALL TO ENJOY!!
Moving on now to friends and relationships...
IT'S TIME TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I need to take the things i've learned from my friends (ya'll know who you are...the ones that helped me) Now it is time to take their advice on relationships and make my situation a much better and improved one. Time to say goodbye to old Christos....and time to say hello to Christos the performer. I have made my decision and i am going to try...NO... I AM GOING TO TAKE WHAT'S BEEN GIVEN TO ME AND SHAPE IT TO MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON (and performer). It's time for a change. it's time i concentrate on a what i really want. forget the boys forget the senseless going out and forget whether or not people like me or not for who i am. Forget making irrational decisions on boys and have time to figure myself out and what i need to do. This is the perfect opportunity to LISTEN to my instincts and stick to them. And a time to study things. No more will there be indecisiveness....it's going to be hard, but i think i can ...no I WILL do it. i want to be there for my friends...as they have been there for me. Much love goes out to them (one in particular...you know who you are.joey) he set things right...told me the truth and wasn't mean about it at all. that's what i'm talking about!!
And finally...
25 days until my favorite holiday....CHRISTMAS!!! OH YAH!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
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